Month: June 2025

• Anxiety isn’t like other emotions, and we need a special tool kit for addressing it.
• Most of us are used to thinking of anxiety the same way we think of our other emotions (like happiness, guilt, sadness etc). Anxiety, however, doesn’t resolve with the same techniques we use for other emotions, and managing it requires a different approach.
• (1) Anxiety can be a signal about an unmet physical need (i.e. sleep, food, rest, etc). It can be our body’s way of signaling that we’ve hit a limit or something is wrong. Many of us feel anxious before a fever, during an illness, or in response to substance use or withdrawal. This type of anxiety is relieved by meeting our unmet physical need.
• (2) Anxiety can be a suppressed emotion; you’re not consciously in touch with the emotion, but it’s there trying to find a way out. The anxiety won’t dissipate until the emotion is found. You may have no idea the emotion is lurking under the surface (until you find it, then it often feels like it hits you with intensity).
• (3) Anxiety can be multiple feelings that we believe are in conflict with one another, and we’re having trouble tolerating the experience of them at the same time. For example, you might be feeling excitement, hope, shame, and guilt together, but instead of “feeling” any of those emotions distinctly, you might solely experience anxiety.
• To address (2) and (3) we need to “find” the emotions that are not on your radar, but that you are experiencing, and bring them to awareness. More on this in the body of the post and the comments, but an emotional scan, accessing your emotional lexicon, grounding, and mindfulness can all help bring awareness to undetected emotions.
• Sometimes anxiety exists because we (4) are in denial or we are disavowing something: a part of us knows some unidentified truth to exist, while another part of us is invested in keeping that truth in hiding. This tension of knowing on one level and yet being unable to tolerate knowing on another can create anxiety.
• In scenario (4), we have to find the truth we “know” by bringing it to conscious awareness. It is only then we can “problem solve” for it. Sometimes we have to find beliefs, opinions, judgments or preferences we aren’t proud of, experiences we wish were not true, or some other undesirable truth that exists for us.
• We may be anxious because (5) we trying to control something that cannot be controlled. In this case we need to work on acceptance, often of something we may be tempted to resist accepting.
• Sometimes anxiety is a (6) chemical imbalance, and it signals a need for medical intervention (i.e. medications). Even the best coping mechanisms in the world can’t override a significant chemical imbalance when one is present. In these scenarios, it’s time to speak with a medical professional.

We’re all familiar with many of the core emotions: sadness, happiness, guilt, fear – etc. Many of us regularly include anxiety as one of those “core” feelings, but anxiety operates differently, and as such we need to approach it differently to resolve it. There are a lot of ways to cope with and reduce anxiety, but it first helps to understand what it is, which is what today’s post is all about.

Anxiety due to scenario (1) has the most straightforward solution: meet your body’s physical needs (or give it time to recover), and the anxiety will dissipate as your body resets.

For scenarios (2) and (3) we are working on building insight into our emotional state. There are many ways to “find” emotions we aren’t aware we are experiencing, many of which are detailed in the comments. Tips for all the tools in the comments: remember that you may be feeling more than one emotion at the same time, and remind yourself that feelings don’t have to “make sense” (i.e. we can feel excited and guilty about the very same topic, just as we can feel hopeful about something we are also dreading). The more we can tolerate dissonance between emotions that feel conflicting, the more we can tolerate the complexity of our inner worlds.

To address scenarios (4) and (5), (5 is actually just a common variation of 4), we have to build insight into our thoughts and be open to uncomfortable truths (like we might be angry with someone we feel we’re not allowed to be angry with; jealous / envious of someone who we also admire or are grateful for; or disgust toward someone we love, need, or depend on etc.). Finding these truths will help resolve our anxiety (though we may be left with a different but more addressable problem, like ‘how do I deal with my anger towards this person I feel I can’t be angry with).

Arriving at scenario (6) is not a failure, and can’t be avoided in scenarios where medication is indicated. Many people hold questions around “if it’s ‘bad’ enough to merit medication”, or “if medication will change me”, or “if I’ll have to take it forever”. These are all questions best addressed on a 1:1 basis with a medical professional.

Comments:

1. This post differentiates anxiety from other emotions. Unlike other emotions, Anxiety can be a state of disconnect from your body. It’s not uncommon for people experiencing anxiety to notice a lot of “thinking” but not a lot of “feeling”. This post can help further your understanding of emotions.
2. Tools for finding buried emotions (scenarios (2) and (3)): First, it may help to center yourself with Grounding. Then a few options for finding your emotions: (a) you can use mindfulness skills to help you connect to your inner world; (b) you can use the emotional lexicon which helps us identify how our emotions feel in us; (c) or another method is an emotional scan, where we run through all the emotions we can think of. Literally ask yourself, “am I feeling guilty? Scared? Excited?” etc. Pay attention to how your body feels when prompted. This is a bit like internal “fishing” where you “bait” your inner world with the word describing the emotional state and hope some inner experience latches on to help you gain increased insight into what is happening internally.
3. If you have kids, and / or if you’re open to building your emotional lexicon in a visual manner, take a look at the book “the Color Monster”. In the book the monster is “all mixed up” because his colors (which represent his emotions) are all tangled together. Through the book you work to help him sort his colors (feelings) into categories to help him feel better. This process works for kids and adults alike.
4. Tips for addressing scenarios (4) and (5): Judgments, obligations, and shoulds are often a culprit in having buried thoughts, and it’s not uncommon to find we hold beliefs that hold us back, and need to be dismantled. You can learn more about how to identify a judgment, unpack a judgement , and the problems associated with judgments in the linked posts. Another type of experience that can lead to anxiety is the “shoulds”.
5. Another tool to help manage anxious thoughts can be found in my thought management tool.
6. At the root of many of the antidotes for anxiety is the concept of acceptance. Whether it’s acceptance of your feelings, your thoughts, an uncomfortable truth, an unthought known – having the ability to accept is a crucial coping mechanism.
7. If you are one of the folks out there who manages emotions by stuffing them down, I’m sorry to say your emotions are still impacting you, your relationships, and your thoughts and beliefs.
8. I mention hitting a limit in the post. Limits can be hard to recognize, and I’ve got a whole separate post to help with gaining that awareness and insight.
9. A major trigger of Anxiety for many? Social media. Click here to learn more about why social media can be so tough.