- Many couples wait until it’s too late to start couples treatment
- Your relationship is not flawed / defective / “not worth it” if you decide to try couples therapy.
- There is no shame in going to couples treatment and working towards strengthening a partnership.
- This type of work is especially helpful if one or both parties want to work towards a different kind of relationship for their partnership than the one that was modeled for them growing up.
- In my experience most insurance (including medicaid, medicare, and privately held insurance) covers couples work.
Too many couples wait until they are at their breaking point (or beyond) to start treatment.
One of the first things said by my Couples Therapy professor at @Uchicago was that many couples wait too long to start treatment; for many of them it’s too late to help the relationship heal.
If there is one thing I wish more people knew about couples work it’s that it’s never too early to go, you don’t need for things to be “really bad”, and things don’t need to be “bad” at all to go in.
Therapists are not magicians, and they can only do so much to heal a relationship where both parties have been emotionally injuring one another for extended periods of time. Just like it’s better to start treating a cold or flu early on rather than leaving symptoms to grow and compound, it’s better to get in couples therapy earlier rather than later.
Yes, couples therapy can address problems but it can also help strengthen your foundation (improve communication, openness, and support), learn how to fight in ways that will not hurt the relationship or one another, navigate a transition (new job, a move, new baby), or just simply be a place to talk without distractions and with the help of an expert. In fact, getting in early before huge problems arise can build resilience and ward off problems that might have otherwise built up over time.
You don’t need to be married to go, and no, that does not mean your relationship is “doomed” or that you “shouldn’t need it” if you decide to go as an unmarried couple, a newly married couple, or a couple that’s been together for ages there is something to be learned and gained.
Find out if your insurance covers couples work. Call your member services number on the back of your insurance card and ask if “family therapy” is covered. If they ask you for a “CPT code” (this is a billing code) more often than not a therapist will bill code “90847”, so ask the therapist and the insurance company in advance so you can know if it is covered and what expected costs may be.
Notes:
Wondering how you can use couples therapy? Talk about how you fight. Talk about how you plan for the future together. Talk about your sex life. Talk about what needs are met by the relationship. Talk about what feels healing to you after conflict. Talk about what your triggers are. Talk about what you learned from prior relationships about what helps you function well in a relationship.
Looking for help changing how you fight? See this prior post.