- Pessimism is a coping strategy that protects us against the vulnerability of having hope.
- Feeling hopeful leaves us open to potential disappointment or rejection. If we are fearful or avoidant of these experiences we are more inclined to rely on pessimism to protect us from experiencing them.
- Our pessimism can blind us; it can limit our sense of the possibilities for ourselves and our future.
- Many of us get stuck in a pessimistic stance without realizing it. To work towards recognizing pessimism in yourself, look out for rigidity; if it feels like you can’t imagine something would work, or something could change, or if it doesn’t feel worth trying, you may be approaching with pessimism.
- While it’s okay to “start” with pessimism (if we are so inclined), it’s not recommended to end there. Instead, work towards integrating the counterbalance to pessimism, which is being realistic.
- When we work towards being realistic we can see the possibility that the pessimistic outlook has some merit to it, but we can also hold hope and awareness that other outcomes are possible.
- You’ll notice I’m not naming “optimism” as the counterbalance to pessimism. Optimism too is a strategy, one that can keep us hopeful, but can also limit our ability to see realistic barriers that might encroach on any given situation.
- In its extreme, optimism can be a form of denial, while pessimism can be a state of hopelessness. It is helpful to try and step into you “optimistic” self to think through a scenario, as well as your “pessimistic” self. This can counter-balance rigidity and help pull you closer to a realistic stance.
- It’s helpful to identify if a pessimistic stance comes intuitively to you as a first line response to an idea or potential pursuit so you can work on making use of it, and then counterbalancing it with a more realistic approach.
- Ultimately, having a more realistic approach will not shield you from the vulnerability that comes with feeling hopeful or taking a chance, but it will enable you to make choices about when you are willing to enter a situation that involves risks (including the emotional risks of feeling rejected or disappointed).
For many of us, we have a pessimistic outlook as a way of insulating ourselves from the vulnerability we’d to feel if we allowed ourselves to hope. This is a tempting strategy to employ if we’ve been hurt, rejected, or disappointed in the past, and we can come to lean on our pessimism as a protective barrier between us and (potentially) feeling those feelings again.
Pessimism can be helpful because it enables us to think to through barriers to achieving a desired goal or outcome. It limits us when it interferes with our ability to assess an individual scenario based around its unique likelihood of coming to fruition. Pessimism also creates problems when it interferes with our ability to identify how valuable (and risk worthy) a pursuit is to us as individuals. When we rely on pessimism, our priority is often to shut down an idea or pursuit, often because we want to avoid a negative outcome (including feeling negative feelings).
An overly pessimistic stance can lead to feeling helpless and un-empowered. Pessimism can stop us in our tracks before we get started, and it can interfere with our ability to see genuine possibilities for ourselves and our future. It’s hard to act on your dreams (even ones that may be possible) if you’re a pessimist.
The antidote to pessimism is holding a realistic stance, one that holds awareness of why a situation might not work out *and* that there are other possible outcomes. When we’re realistic we can weigh the likelihood of success against our personal priorities and risk thresholds. To be clear, you can have a negative outlook on a situation and not be taking a pessimistic stance. Sometimes a situation is a long shot, or won’t work out, and you are realistically assessing the factors at play when you decide not to pursue it.
If you inclined towards pessimism, use it as a starting point and allow yourself to get in touch with the reasons why something may not work. Then, work to explore the potential for alternate possibilities and outcomes. At that point you can decide, based on your own personal thresholds, whether it’s worth it to you to take the emotional, social, financial, relational (etc) risk.
Comments:
- If you are someone who relates to the notion that you want to protect yourself from negative emotions, I’d encourage you to read my prior posts on how all emotions (including negative ones) are useful and essential. The first covers how negative feelings are actually incredibly important tools to help us find long term happiness, and the second helps us better understand (and accept the need for) our anger.
- The idea that pessimism serves a purpose is very linked to the concept of secondary gains, which are the positive aspects of something that is otherwise problematic in our lives.