- Judgments: Part one. Identifying a Judgment
- Why is this important? We can’t change our use of something until we can identify it. Part two and three of this series will cover how judgments limit us and when (and when not) to use them.
- A judgment is an evaluative statement (i.e. a statement where we express a value).
- A judgment is NOT a preference.
- A judgment is NOT an opinion or belief.
- A judgment is NOT a description of your perspective
- A judgment is NOT an actual or anticipated consequence
Judgments are a hot topic these days, and I see a lot of confusion (and at times hurt and conflict) about what IS and ISN’T a judgment. See below for explanation and examples. A post to follow about how judgments limit us, how to get to the bottom of them, and when/when not to use them.
A judgment is an evaluative statement (i.e. a statement where we express a value). Three examples of judgments below:
(1) The fish is bad
(2) You made the right decision
(3) You shouldn’t talk to me this way
In the three examples above the statements made express judgments; a value about the fish (it’s bad), a value about the decision (it was right) a value about how to talk to me (not that way).
Below are statements or thoughts that are often accused of being judgments, but are not. You may not like it when someone says any of these things, but they are not judgments.
A judgment is NOT a preference:
(1) I don’t like the fish
(3) I don’t like being spoken to in that way
A judgment is NOT an opinion or belief.
(1) I think this fish is over-cooked
(2) I agree with how you handled that
(3) I feel/believe/think that tone is disrespectful
A judgment is NOT a description, your perspective, or your experience:
(1) This fish tastes salty
(2) That decision makes a lot of sense
(3) It sounds like you’re angry from your tone
A judgment is NOT an actual or anticipated consequence:
(1) If you eat that I think you’ll get sick
(2) I think you’ll be happier now that you’ve decided that.
(3) When you use that tone it hurts my feelings
How do morals fit in? I would argue that morals are personally or communally held beliefs. that it is wrong to ____ or right to ____ or we should _____. We are entitled to hold personal / communal morals AND we want to understand why we hold them. See the next two posts for how we can own our morals, stand by them, understand them, and effectively communicate them in a way that builds connection even if we don’t share values.
Notes:
- Hints to help you find judgments in yourself or other’s thoughts or statements: words like, “Should, Shouldn’t, Right, Wrong, Good, Bad, easy, and hard” are usually judgmental. A statement doesn’t have to include these words to be a judgment.
- We all use judgments more than we realize. Try going an hour without using the words “right, wrong, should, shouldn’t, easy, hard, good or bad” and you’ll come to realize how much you rely on them.
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