The following are tips I would give anyone who is looking to start with a new therapist
- Trust your gut. If after 2-4 sessions it doesn’t feel right, move on. One of the most important things for treatment to be successful is for you to feel comfortable opening up and discussing difficult topics. If you feel uncomfortable it probably isn’t a great fit. That doesn’t mean the person you are seeing isn’t high quality, they just may not be right for you – but if you find the next person isn’t a great fit it doesn’t mean it’s you, sometimes it takes a few rounds of trying.
- There is not a lot of quality control in the field. Many programs don’t require prospective applicants interview, have their own therapy, or have an analysis of their own mental health / wellbeing. Don’t just assume that “someone knows what they are doing”, there is a huge range in skill sets of therapists out there so if someone seems off, not quite ok themselves, just trust it and move on.
- Look out for a therapist that seems reactive (i.e. seems highly emotionally charged) or defensive (preoccupied with rationalizing their perspective at the detriment of understanding, connection, and receiving feedback). Therapists are people too, with emotions of course, but we want you with a therapist who can manage their feelings. Sometimes therapists will have emotions in session that they will discuss with you, but the key is for the sessions to feel like they are largely about YOU.
- If you can get a personal recommendation, that’s always the best way to go (ask your doctors, friends or family who you trust to know you’re considering seeking treatment).
- If you know someone that is seeing a therapist they love, ask them to ask their therapist for recommendations – high quality therapists often know of other high quality therapists.
- It is my opinion (spoken as an LCSW) that the degree (i.e. the letters that come after someone’s name like LCPC, LPC, LCSW, LMFT, PsyD, PhD etc) are less important than that items I mentioned above.
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Notes:
Note on item (1) after you’ve been in therapy with someone for a while and previously felt like you trusted them / vibed with them / liked them but are no longer feeling as comfortable this is a cue to talk to them about the shift in you from things feeling good / right / helpful to not as good / right / or helpful. This is a time to look our for reactivity or defensiveness from your therapist when having this discussion.
I mention in the post that you want to be weary of a therapist that spends a lot of time talking about themselves. There are therapists that work in what’s called a “relational” framework. This means that they talk about their experiences of you with you to help you better understand how you may impact relationships and people around you. This form of therapy can be incredibly effective when done well. Furthermore, some therapists will share something about themselves as a means to talking about your situation, struggles, or perspective – or as a way to help you feel at ease. It can be a delicate balance, but it’s not that it’s a “bad sign” if a therapist talks about themselves, the key here is the the sessions to feel predominantly focused around you, and to be on the lookout if that’s not your experience.