- Internalizing: “I screwed this up” or “This went well because of my hard work”.
- Externalizing: “if it weren’t for this situation this would (or wouldn’t) have worked out” or “This really wasn’t my doing/responsibility”.
- If we are inclined to internalize we struggle to accept the impact of external factors on our successes or struggles. We are inclined to over-emphasize our role leading to any given outcome.
- If we are more inclined to externalize we have a hard time seeing and accepting how we contributed to the outcome of any given situation. We are likely to over-emphasize the role of factors outside our control.
- If we externalize or internalize (and most of us are doing this some of the time) we misattribute responsibility for a problem or a win. This limits our ability to solve or replicate it.
- Unfortunately, Internalizing and externalizing can heighten depression, anxiety, hopelessness, helplessness, conflict, and feelings of inadequacy.
- The answer: Work on being more mindful (i.e. present and accepting of yourself and your circumstances in an objective way). This will enable you have a more accurate understanding of why things turned out the way they did.
- More on mindfulness in another post. For now, work on trying to better understand your patterns of internalizing vs externalizing. You may come to find you do both!
When something goes how we had hoped, or we find ourselves upset or disappointed by an outcome, how do we make sense of how that outcome came to be?
If we are inclined to Internalize, we are more likely to assume the outcome is largely due to something within us. We look at the situation, and our narrative for it is about how we engaged with it in a way that determined the outcome.
At the other end of the spectrum (and yes, this is a spectrum) is the tendency to Externalize. This is when we assign most responsibility to something outside of ourselves.
Sometimes, responsibility for something does belong totally at one end of the spectrum (i.e. something is completely due to circumstances outside of our control – or something entirely within our control). For MOST circumstances in life, however, responsibility falls somewhere in the middle of the spectrum.
Very few people conceptualize problems totally at one end of the spectrum or another at all times, but I would argue many of us routinely misattribute where the responsibility for events falls on this spectrum. And, we are more likely to misattribute when in emotional duress.
When we externalize we can feel anxious, depressed, out of control, helpless, like we can’t influence the environment around us, like the victim of our circumstances, or like the beneficiaries of lucky chance. We may be more prone to blaming (or celebrating) others and not seeing our own participation.
When we internalize, we are more likely to feel depressed, anxious, inadequate, guilty, or like a failure. We may be more prone to blaming (or celebrating) ourselves and not seeing how other people or factors contributed to an outcome.
Unfortunately, internalizing and externalizing leaves us unable to effectively problem solve or replicate a win because we’ve misattributed where the problem lies or what brought us our success.
The solution? Improving your capacity for mindfulness. That is, working on being more present and accepting with yourself and the reality around you, and seeing that reality in an objective way. That increased objectivity will strengthen your ability to see where on this spectrum an event falls.
Notes:
- I did not develop idea internalizing vs externalizing. This is a very widely accepted psychological concept, though I wish I could credit who initially developed it!
- Daniel Siegel, author of Mindsight and director of the mindsight institute has done a lot of work to show how the capacity for being present and mindful can improve outcomes in the ways I am discussing (and beyond).